‘Sex 2’: What If They Made a Show About Nothing, and It Wasn't ‘Seinfeld’?
Pay no attention to those scurrilous rumors that absolutely nothing happens in “Sex and the City 2.” Those rumors are insulting, outrageous and utterly untrue.
The rumors that only one thing happens in the entire movie, however, are quite accurate.
What I guess I’m saying is that if you must see the movie – and judging by a sold-out early show, just about every woman in America is going to see it – be sure you don’t go to the restroom at around the 1:50 mark. Other than that one action, this film takes four beloved main characters and manages to do almost nothing with them for a full 2 ½ hours.
A story is defined as a conflict and its resolution. But despite its bloated length and profusion of main characters, “Sex and the City 2” is woefully lacking in both.
Take Charlotte, the character played by Kristin Davis. Her conflict is that she is stressed out by her children, and resolution comes when she gets a little sleep (there is also a silly thing about her worrying for no apparent reason that her husband will be attracted to their bouncy, braless nanny, and that resolution is even stupider).
Kim Cattrall’s Samantha’s conflict is that she wants to be a slut in a country that prohibits public acknowledgement of sexuality. The resolution? She leaves the country, but not after repeatedly insulting an entire culture. As Miranda, Cynthia Nixon is conflicted because she hates her boss, which she resolves quite quickly by quitting her job. She spends the rest of the movie looking for something to do.
Which leaves Carrie, the main character, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, who at least has a real conflict. She fears her marriage to the always boring Mr. Big (Chris Noth) is in a rut. It is not entirely inaccurate to suggest she resolves this conflict by buying shoes, but that would be unfair. Jewelry is also bought.
How could a movie with a story so slim drag itself out for such an unconscionable length? That’s the genius of writer-director Michael Patrick King, who opens the film with a 20-minute wedding scene that has absolutely no bearing on any other moment in the rest of the movie. It’s a gay wedding, which is an excuse to haul out poor Liza Minnelli, who tries to perform “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” with such dismal lack of success that we fear she may have had her vocal cords Botoxed.
Meanwhile, King leaps from one pointless scene to the next, from having the women ride camels in Abu Dhabi to a four-way karaoke rendition of “I Am Woman.” None of these scenes has anything to do with the picture’s central intent, which appears to be to display a vast and fashionable wardrobe. Fans of the TV show often say they watched it specifically to see the clothes, but 2 ½ hours of nothing but fashions isn’t a movie, it’s a fashion show.
The characters have become insufferably superficial and whiny, and the film perversely tries to make a virtue out of their self-centeredness. It is supposed to be a fantasy in which the audience can imagine themselves living the fabulous lives of the characters, but what was formerly a depiction of urban glamour and elegance has turned into an excuse for endless product placements.
At one point in the film, Carrie and Big watch a scene from “It Happened One Night,” and later another scene from “The Talk of the Town.” How often, throughout the course of “Sex and the City 2,” do we wish we were watching one of those great movies instead.
-- Dan Neman, former movie critic for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, reviews movies every week here at www.TheBoomerMagazine.com. He also writes the “Silver Screen with Dan Neman” column in each issue of Boomer magazine.
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