J-Lo: Still Inauspicious After All These Years
It would be unfair to think of the comedy “The Back-Up Plan” simply in terms of how many times we see a pregnant woman throw up (three), a baby spit up (one), a dog throw up (one) or the number of times we see or hear about poop (two).
There is more to the movie than that, much more. But also, much less. This film can boast only about 15 minutes of comedy scattered among an hour and a half of dry, uninspired formula punctuated by occasional appearances of vomit.
The picture marks the fairly inauspicious return of Jennifer Lopez to the genre of romantic comedy after a hiatus of five years, and to tell the truth, the romantic comedies she was making before the hiatus weren’t that terribly auspicious, either. Anyone remember “Maid in Manhattan”?
Really? Why?
Writer Kate Angelo, whose previous work has all been in television, has devised what turns out to be only half of a premise: Lopez stars as Zoe, whose desire to have a baby leads her to become artificially inseminated. That very same day, she meets the studly and sensitive Stan, played by Alex O’Loughlin, and Stan’s constant two-day stubble. After dating “hundreds of guys in the last five years” (a different guy every week?), Zoe has finally found The One.
But there is that problem — even The One might not want to be the father to some other man’s (or test tube’s) baby. That conflict sounds like it might be enough of a scaffold on which to construct a movie, but after any number of variations are tried and discarded it works out to be good enough for those 15 minutes in total.
The lovers break up for no apparent reason and get back together. They break up for an only slightly more apparent reason and get back together. Eventually, we learn that Zoe has issues with people leaving her, so at least some of the story makes sense. But it also makes the story seem that much more familiar and formulaic. In the ’80s, all the romantic comedies were about men who were afraid of commitment. This movie is about a woman who is afraid a man will be afraid of commitment.
The slight reworking of the idea doesn’t make it any better.
Lopez is still an appealing actress, but either she is never quite able to carry an entire movie or she has lamentable taste in her projects. At 40, she is still gorgeous, and the camera rarely passes up an opportunity to linger on her face, her thighs or her flat (pre-pregnant) tummy. The movie’s first shot, actually, is of her toes, which turn out to be the only part of her anatomy that is less than appealing.
And then the movie ruins it. She apologizes to her gynecologist for not having a pedicure, and he responds, “I’m not looking at your toes.”
Fortunately, most of the jokes aren’t that bad, although an unhealthy percentage are. Many of the best lines fall to Michaela Watkins as the Obligatory Best Friend (not a surprise — OBFs often get the best lines).
Director Alan Poul’s previous work has also all been in television, and his approach is not cinematic. Instead of looking at the big picture, he takes it one small step at a time. It is as if each scene comes individually wrapped, and after he shoots it he discards it, and then goes blithely on to the next scene.
When pressed, or when he cannot think of anything better to do, he cuts to a supposedly cute, disabled dog. He cuts to the disabled dog a lot. Inevitably, that is the dog that throws up.
-- Dan Neman, former movie critic for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, reviews movies every week here at www.TheBoomerMagazine.com. He also writes the “Silver Screen with Dan Neman” column in each issue of Boomer magazine.
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