Beware of slippery slopes

Dear Fran,
I cannot believe that at my age, I am writing to you about this. My daughter is always on Facebook, and on a whim showed me how to get on it, too. I had no intention of ever looking at it again, but I didn’t want to be a stick in the mud, so I played along.

A few days later, I got a message from a guy I dated back in high school. I can’t even call him a man, even though he is, because I still think of him as that boy I dated for two years in high school. We almost got married back then, but life got in the way. 

He lives a couple of hours away, and he is married but says he hasn’t been happy for years. I have a wonderful husband; my youngest is a senior in high school, so she still lives at home, and before this my life seemed to be good enough. 

Now, I can’t wait to get on the computer to see if he’s written. I feel like I’ve fallen back in love with him. He is all I think about. Believe me, I haven’t felt this way for years, and life is short, right? I wonder if he and I should at least meet to see if this was meant to be? – Beckah

Dear Beckah,
I can’t even begin to tell you how many people find themselves in this type of quandary now that the Internet makes it so easy. I understand what you mean by having a difficult time staying away from the computer and becoming almost obsessed with this man you haven’t seen for many years. 

The adrenaline rush of a crush is literally addictive. I imagine you even get anxious, almost in withdrawal, when it has been awhile since you’ve checked if he’s contacted you. Also, because I am sure your husband isn’t privy to these e-mails, you and your high school flame now share a secret. It must feel like you two are in the foxhole together.   

Beckah, the feelings are real, but they aren’t based in reality. You are falling in love with the feeling of excitement and being pursued. It takes you back to a younger, simpler time, which is why it is hard for you to see this person as a man. The feelings you are experiencing are ones you remember from high school, when passion was the cornerstone of every experience. 

Please be careful. Not only would I strongly recommend against meeting this man, but I would suggest you don’t e-mail him anymore. This will be difficult, like breaking an addiction, but the short-term pain will be so worth the long-term gain of returning to the stable, good life you describe that you had. – Fran  

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Fran Marmor is a licensed therapist who works in the Fredericksburg, Virginia area. Contact her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .