BY DAN NEMAN

TOLEDO, OH

   I’m living in a house with 76 light switches. How did this come to be?

   I know the logistical details of how it came to be – moved to Toledo, renting a house until we find one we like enough to buy, got a great half-price deal on a temporary rental of a McMansion. The salient question is: How does it come to be that this house, or any house, should have a need for 76 light switches?

   Let us say, for the sake of argument, that the builders of this house believed in light. It can get pretty dark here in the winter, and the skies seem to be overcast a great deal. Perhaps the builders thought it would make sense, therefore, that every time you enter a room you should have your choice of turning on the four recessed lights, the five lights in the lighting fixture with the fan, the fan itself, or a switch that I am guessing is tied to the electrical outlets so you can turn on the floor lamps.

   Three different kinds of light in a single room, not including the windows – plus a ceiling fan – is just more choice than a normal human needs. It speaks of excess.

   Which is the whole point of this house. I mentioned it is a McMansion, and the 76 light switches are just one manifestation of its McMansiondom. The house is built as a testament to wealth; it is both grand and grandiose. The design is taken equally from the Italian Renaissance and French chateaus. The ceiling in the great room soars skyward while the rest of the house shambles expansively in either direction; the house takes up a lot of real estate, and it wants you to know it.

   It’s meant to impress visitors, sure. But this house with its 76 light switches was built with another goal in mind. Every inch of it was built to confirm to the owner that he has made it. He has arrived.

   When you’re paying half-price for the rent, the blatant materialism only seems sad.

Former movie critic Daniel Neman, who writes the “Silver Screen” column in Boomer magazine, is now food editor at The Toledo Blade. Movies and food were always his two greatest passions.

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Gisele Waters   |2010-11-21 03:05:33 When I show McMansions to clients, I turn these 76 PLUS switches on and off. Us Realtors have to make sure we get to the showing 20 minutes early just to make sure the 4000 PLUS SF is lit properly and has its prettiest face on....Always good fun!

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