Freaky Flying, Revisited

Articles from Boomer Magazine in Richmond, VA

Freaky Flying, Revisited

Monday, 12 July 2010 09:08

I wrote a piece last week that was rejected by my husband. He said that I should keep it to myself and called it, “very disturbing.” I followed his advice, toned down the doom, and wrote a new blog on fearful flying. He admitted that my new blog was less upsetting, but then grumbled that it wasn’t as funny as my first attempt. So I’ve chosen to share part of what was left on the editing room floor. The following is the quiz I conduct before each flight to determine my personal safety. Part of my husband’s objections was the insane scoring chart, but I explained that fear is often not rational.

How Safe is my Flight?

1. The flight number:

A. sounds like a crash.

B. does not have a catchy sound.

2. The pilots appear to be:

A. tired, or knuckleheads.

B. sober.

3. Scan the passengers, and locate a:

A. nervous passenger who may wig out in the cabin or be a terrorist.

B. person who looks like an air marshal.

4. The plane:

A. has a propeller.

B. is large enough to need two aisles.

5. The plane has been at the gate:

A. one hour or less between flights.

B. been docked long enough for a complete safety inspection.

6. The weather:

A. includes precipitation or wind.

B. is clear and calm.

7. Look out the window. Locate:

A. geese or seagulls.

B. an absence of birds.

8. Examine the exterior of the plane. It looks:

A. old or dirty.

B. like it rolled off the factory floor.

Scoring

A-35 points

B-1 point

0-1 Looks like you are not flying today, so you have nothing to worry about.

2-8 Things seems to be in order, but there is still a small chance of a fiery crash. To be safe, constantly monitor the flight attendants and make sure that they appear calm.

8-40 Oh no, an elevated risk level means that if you worry about it and grip the arm rests firmly, things might still be fine.

40-above A crash seems likely. Make sure your travel companion doesn’t fall asleep so you won’t die alone. Order a drink; it will hurt less when you hit the ground.

Becky Reil is a lover of art, architecture and good food. Traveling with her husband and friends is her favorite way to enjoy all of her interests. She ate her way through thirteen countries and has several trips planned for the near future. Local food is her passion, and she will reluctantly share her "secret" sources for sausage, beef, grits and produce. Becky is constantly working to enlarge her fabric stash and enjoys quilting and collecting textiles. A graduate of Radford University, she has worked as an Art Teacher and as a Job Coach for disabled persons.